Jann's Blog

September 04, 2012

Baby Boomers Beware!

English: Meryl Streep on the 56th International Film Festival in San Sebastian (Spain). Own work by uploader User:PhotoTakeReality (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The divorce rate is high enough, but increasing at a higher rate among baby boomers.

Substance abuse is on the rise with baby boomers for lots of reasons.

Baby boomers are being diagnosed for depression at an increasing rate.

The suicide rate increases thanks to baby boomers.

What could be causing all of these negative statistics? There are probably lots of reasons, but for baby boomers especially--now is the time to focus on the relationships that are most important to you.

I was thinking about all of this as we went to see the movie "Hope Springs" with Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones. No doubt, it was written exactly for the baby boomer generation. It was a small movie theater and as we were walking out, we knew about everyone. We were all laughing about how we were all there to renew our relationship and how the movie is definitely a conversation starter. We went with some friends and afterwards we went to get something to eat and process the movie. We have been married 30 years this year and the other couple 25 years.

If you see this movie, it has to open up topics for conversation. While I thought it was going to be light, I found it to be an honest look at how life changes, how people change--or not change, and how if we stay the same people--things can change around us.

This blog post is not a movie review as much as it is about the questions and topics on which the movie addresses:

It is easy to get in a rut doing the same thing over and over again.
It is easy to take your significant other for granted after years of being together.
It is possible to be lonelier together than alone.
It takes work to make a relationship interesting and exciting.
It takes two--it is not one person's fault.
and the list goes on ...

There was a scene in the movie that struck me where Meryl's character says something such as:

"We are always looking forward to something. We look forward to getting married and then we look forward to having children. Then we look forward to raising them and helping them get into college. We look forward to them getting married and having kids. But what are we looking forward to now?"

We have to keep looking forward to something interesting and it is nice when you have a partner in this adventure of life. We need to look forward to today and tomorrow. The future does not have to be farther than tomorrow.

I think it would be hard to see the movie with your significant other and NOT want to talk about some of the topics. The movie serves as a catalyst for opening up communication channels.

We also talked about how Meryl Streep has continued to evolve as she gets older. We concluded she gets great roles not only because she is a great actress, but she is willing to be vulnerable and take parts that are age appropriate. She doesn't mind looking middle aged or even elderly as she did in "Iron Lady" as Margaret Thatcher.

The movie reminded me of when I was single and an older co-worker (probably about 40) shared this story with me. She said that a friend of hers had a husband who made his own lunch every day that consisted of a bologna sandwich. She got so tired of him making that sandwich (which was indicative of how much of a routine guy he was and not spontaneous) that she said to him, "If you make one more bologna sandwich, I am going to divorce you." According to this co-worker, he made the sandwich and they got divorced.

I remember thinking at the time, "This is crazy!" But I remembered the story and shared it with my husband years ago. So when he tends to get too routine, I remind him of the bologna sandwich. When this happens, I call him Mr. Bologna Sandwich. And when I get too overextended and disorganized, he calls me on it and tells me to "get it together."

In my opinion, the bottom line is this: Relationships take work.

The director, David Frankl, said the issues about sex are delicate yet universal. "Nobody thinks they're having enough sex--that goes for teenagers and people in their 70s." The movie is really about intimacy and how to keep it alive after decades of living with someone. When you can predict what they will say and do, it does not seem as exciting.

So what do we do about that?

I read an interview with Meryl Streep about the movie and she said this:

I think life is long, and there are a lot of phases you go through as a human being. You live through all sorts of stuff when you're in a long marriage: real highs and lows, and thing that strain--and solidify--your relationship. Often it's hard to see each other new each day, and sometimes it's good to encourage that.

While the stage of infatuation might be more exciting when meeting someone new, this person has "baggage" too that you just don't know about yet. Knowing someone for a long time that you trust is a gift.

The movie had me laughing and I had tears in some parts. I especially loved the end as the credits were running.

What do you do to keep life exciting?

Are you stuck in a rut? If so, what are you going to do to get out of it?

What advice were you give to Meryl's character? Tommy Lee Jones' character?

Have you ever thought about renewing your vows? I have.

Sep 4, 2012 3:23:00 PM | Life Renewal, Living Life

August 31, 2012

Learning. Leading. Living. ... Sage-ing

English: Method for learning and education. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For the past year, I have been transitioning from a full-time academic person to becoming a Leadership Development and Change Management Consultant with The Genysys Group. I traded teaching management and leadership to practicing it. The hardest part for me has been being my own information technology (IT) person. It was much easier to "call for help" when I had computer/printer issues. Now the IT person is ME.

Given the transition, it was necessary to update and redesign my website to reflect these changes. I am pleased to make this annoucement:

My new website will be launched NEXT WEEK!

Stay tuned. Feedback is welcome. Let me know what you think.

As most things these days, it will continue to evolve as my business evolves--as I evolve and grow. I am learning so much and I will continue to share what I am learning with readers.

As I said in a blog post this week, thanks for reading. Please share what you are learning by commenting. Time is valuable and precious. I am grateful that you feel my blog is worth reading, but it is a learning journey.

Have a safe holiday weekend.

Aug 31, 2012 2:59:00 PM | Leadership

August 30, 2012

Read to Lead

English: Book Cover (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Recently I read an interesting article on the Harvard Business Review Blog (HRB) that pointed out how important reading is to leading. The reasons may seem clear, but here is a passage from the article:

The leadership benefits of reading are wide-ranging. Evidence suggests reading can improve intelligence and lead to innovation and insight. Some studies have shown, for example, that reading makes you smarter through "a larger vocabulary and more world knowledge in addition to the abstract reasoning skills." Reading — whether Wikipedia, Michael Lewis, or Aristotle — is one of the quickest ways to acquire and assimilate new information. Many business people claim that reading across fields is good for creativity. And leaders who can sample insights in other fields, such as sociology, the physical sciences, economics, or psychology, and apply them to their organizations are more likely to innovate and prosper.

Reading can also make you more effective in leading others. Reading increases verbal intelligence (PDF), making a leader a more adept and articulate communicator. Reading novels can improve empathy and understanding of social cues, allowing a leader to better work with and understand others — traits that author Anne Kreamer persuasively linked to increased organizational effectiveness, and to pay raises and promotions for the leaders who possessed these qualities. And any business person understands that heightened emotional intelligence will improve his or her leadership and management ability.

Reading can also be a way to decrease stress as it makes life more enjoyable.

While reading is important, it is on a downward trend. Again, according to the article:

The National Endowment for the Arts (PDF) has found that "[r]eading has declined among every group of adult Americans," and for the first time in American history, "less than half of the U.S. adult American population is reading literature." Literacy has been improving in countries like India and China, but that literacy may not translate into more or deeper reading.

The article outlines some way to boost reading, but it does not try to identify why people are reading less or reading less deeply. I think the reasons have to do with the trends we see in the media. We tend to listen to what we want to hear and not diverse opinions. We watch similar programs. And it is easier to watch movies and television, especially with 100s of channels available, than to read books. Although I read that more people are now reading books on e-readers than hard copies. But that does not mean more people are reading.

If you are a reader of my blog, thank you. I realize you have thousands of blogs, books, and magazines to read. Plus you have many things competing for your time. Blogging keeps me reading, thinking, and writing. For you to spend some of your precious time reading and/or commenting on my blog, I am grateful.

Thank you. Keep reading whatever inspires you. And I will do the same.

Aug 30, 2012 3:54:00 PM | Leadership

August 27, 2012

Leadership by Walking Around

BAW's Home Office (Photo credit: bayareabaw)

I was speaking to a group of executives a few weeks ago and they came to a consensus that they probably did not know the people with whom they work as well as they should. While they know it is important and they realize that leadership is more about relationships than position, they admitted to not spending the time they should on this important task.

When I started teaching in the 80s, the book In Search of Excellence by Tom Peters and Robert Waterman had just come out about what made companies excellent. And one of the management themes that became popular out of the book was a concept called "Management by Walking Around" (MBWA). A very simple idea: Get out of your office and walk around and in the process--get to know the people who work there. Get to know all of them including the janitors and the chefs. I am calling this Leadership by Walking Around.

This sounds so simple, but I find that leaders don't take the time to do this. It is easier to stay in the office and use technology to communicate, but you don't get to know people on a personal level as well. I am part of a faith-based social justice group called AMOS (A Metropolitan Organizing Strategy). There are about 35 churches as members and I have enjoyed getting to know people in so many of the churches. We use a concept called One-on-One which means that we set up coffee times to meet with just one other person whom we don't know in order to build relationships. This method can be used in any setting such as getting to know all of the church members in your church or in any organization or class.

When I was a division chair, I used this strategy. I met with each person in my division one at a time to listen to their dreams and goals for the division. Then I compiled the list, identified themes, and presented the findings to the division as a whole. People are more likely to follow people they know and trust.

So how do you build trust?

You need to get to know people and everyone has a story they want to tell. When you walk around, look at their offices, cubicles, or work spaces. Most people decorate them with items, photos, objects that reflect what is important to them. These items are part of their personal stories. They are proud of what they display.

This is a perfect place to start. As you walk around:

Ask them questions.
Show an interest in what is important to them.
Listen to what they tell you.
Use that information to build relationships.

I read once that if you were appointed as the new leader and walked into the room, the most important questions people want answered are:

Who is this person?

Why should I follow them?

I hope you are asking yourself: How well does my team know me?

How do you know?

So now is the time to get out of your office and start walking around. Get to know the people on a deeper level. If you are the leader and you don't have an office (such as Chair of a Board or President of an organization), plan a One-on-One meeting with everyone. Take them to coffee with no agenda other than to get to know them and to listen.

Let me know how this goes. I think it is the best use of time in order to build a team to accomplish goals. Now is the time for LBWA.

Aug 27, 2012 3:34:00 PM | Leadership

August 20, 2012

How To Be A Great Mentor

Cover via Amazon

So many times, leaders are asked for what contributed to their success. And the answer almost always includes having a mentor who taught them and was a role model that guided them in the future. When asked for advice, leaders usually encourage others to find a mentor or mentors. Seek them out and establish relationships from which you can learn. Even if you have to watch them from afar, find people you admire and imitate them.

It took me a long time to find such a mentor. When I was entering the workforce, women were few and far between in upper management. The few who were there had such a difficult time that they were either working too hard to stay there and did not have time or they were coveting their positions and were not generous enough to want to help others. Thankfully, times have changed and I don't think it is quite so difficult. But even in graduate school, most of my peers were men as were the professors and it was still hard to find a mentor. When I started teaching, I was the only female in my department until we hired a woman who was an accountant and I was in management. Regardless of gender, I did not have a colleague who had the research and writing interests I had developed in graduate school.

And then I met Dr. Elmer Burack.

In the latest book by Jim Collins, Great by Choice, he talks about "who luck." He is referring to whom you are lucky enough to know. I was so lucky in 1991 to meet Dr. Elmer Burack who taught me what it meant to be a great mentor.

It took me several years to call Dr. Burack by his first name--Elmer. I met Elmer at a regional conference in Chicago where he was the discussant for my paper. This means he was to give me feedback. From his first statement, I knew Elmer was cut of a different cloth. I went up to him after my presentation and asked if I could take him to lunch sometime during the three day conference. He agreed and told me how to take the train to his office at the University of Illinois-Chicago.

Elmer did not attend that particular conference and that was the only time he had been there and that was his only session. He agreed to serve as a discussant at the request of one of his former graduate students. This was definitely "who luck" for me. Meeting Elmer changed my life.

From that lunch onward, I tried to connect with Elmer every time I went to Chicago. And in between visits, he would send me research ideas and I would send him papers for feedback. He would write me long letters with ideas to pursue and I would send him articles that I had published. Since Elmer did not like email, I had to send hard copies and he would hand write letters of which I have kept all of them.

It was Elmer who encouraged me to attend the Organizational Behavior Teaching Conference (OBTC) in 1991. But it was not until 2002 that I finally attended my first conference and I wished I had followed his advice a decade before since it proved to be a conference that added the most value for my teaching and research interests.

What made Elmer such a great mentor?

Let me count the ways:

He was always pushing me while lifting me up at the same time.
He believed in me and my abilities which gave me confidence.
He gave me constructive feedback that taught me the ropes about research and publishing.
His wisdom was almost magical.
He introduced me by telling me whom to meet and that he wanted me to meet them.
He was generous with his time, wisdom, and kindness.
He was consistent in life so he was predictable and dependable.
I trusted him totally and I know he cared about me and my success--both personally and professionally.
and the list goes on.

Elmer made me a better teacher. What I learned from Elmer, I shared with my students and the legacy lived on. Elmer wrote letters of support for my promotion to full professor because he could put my work in a larger context of higher education since he was the chair of the graduate management program. In fact, he was the graduate professor that I did not have since my program was more practical instead of research oriented. And I discovered I thrived on research and writing.

One of the highlights was when Elmer asked me if I would write a blurb for the cover of his last book Retiring Retirement. I was honored that Elmer thought of me for this task. And every time I had a chance to thank Elmer, I did. His birthday was in October (as if mine) and I would send him gift certificates to his favorite restaurants or to Starbucks so that when he and Ruth would travel, they could have some "treats" on me.

Elmer would tell me that I had thanked him enough and I did not have to keep thanking him. My reply was always the same, "I can't thank you enough--ever." My life changed after meeting Elmer and I will always be grateful.

Right after the book Tuesdays with Morrie came out, I sent a copy to Elmer with a note: To my "Morrie." Because Elmer was and will always be my favorite professor. It was because of Elmer that I set out on the path of becoming a sage. He told me that it was going to be important to help baby boomers learn how to age gracefully and this started my study In Search of Sages which is now becoming a book.

Elmer taught me the importance of having a mentor and of becoming a mentor. Thank you Elmer.

Aug 20, 2012 4:15:00 PM

A Tribute to My Great Mentor

Dr. Elmer Burack, my mentor, died Monday, August 13, 2012. This is my tribute to Elmer.

When I read Elmer's obituary, every word is so true. If the names were removed, I would say this reminds me of Elmer. As you can see, he was a mentor to many people--a great mentor. Elmer put me on the path of Sage-ing. When I get my book completed based on interviewing more than 100 thought leaders "Sages," I am dedicating the book to Elmer--my favorite Sage.

During the last few years, I knew Elmer's health was not strong. I could tell in his voice that he was getting weaker and I felt him slipping away. We did not talk as much and I did not receive letters as I had in the past. But I kept writing him mainly to say "thank you" for changing my life. I wanted him to know I remembered him and that I was eternally grateful.

Ruth, his wife of 59 years, called me in early August to let me know that Elmer was not doing well. I told her I was coming to Chicago during the Labor Day weekend so we decided I would visit at that time. I felt a need to see Elmer again to thank him in person. Then she called me on August 11th to tell me that Elmer was now in Hospice and they were saying his "vitals" were getting very weak. I cleared my calendar, bought a ticket on the Megabus (which I value), so that I could get to Chicago on Wednesday morning because Ruth told me Elmer is better in the mornings. In fact, we always talked in the morning.

Ruth called me on Monday night that Elmer had died. At that time she was not sure when a service would be held. I asked her if I could still come on Wednesday morning. Iin the decades I had known Elmer, I had never met Ruth in person. I had written Elmer's address 100 plus times and never been to his place. As I said in the last post, Elmer did not like email. When I told him it would be easier if I could email papers to him. His response was this, "The people who want to get in touch with me will call or mail. I want to hear their voice or I want them to make an effort." He thought email was too easy and there was too much "noise" created which wasted precious time.

This was a pilgrimage I wanted to make to say thank you and good-bye.

I got to Chicago on Tuesday night. The next morning I borrowed my son's car in Chicago and drove to Northbrook to where Elmer lived. Ruth and I talked for about an hour and she gave me a tour of their condominum. It was nice for me to see family photos and the views Elmer would have had all around him. He was my "Morrie" and I will never be the same without him in my life.

So many times in the past, I would ask myself "What would Elmer do?" (WWED). And I will continue to do so. Elmer's legacy lives on in me and I will share what I learned from him with others.

If you are a regular reader of my blog, you know I have written about the movie "The Way" about walking the El Camino de Santiago in Spain. Going to Chicago was important to me as part of my life journey. It would have been so easy to not go because of the work involved. But it was a trip worth taking to tell Ruth in person how important Elmer was to me and my life--personally and professionally.

Without Elmer, the world seems less kind, less generous, less smart, less wise. I will miss Elmer tremendously, but I will remember him forever.

Thank you Elmer.

Aug 20, 2012 3:50:00 PM | Life Sages, Living Life, Sage-ing

August 16, 2012

Learning More About "The Way"

Cover via Amazon

After I blogged about the movie, "The Way," I received the nicest email from a man in Michigan. He wanted me to know his story and part of his journey. He and his wife are planning and training to walk El Camino next year. He gave me permission to share parts of his letter anonymously with my readers as a way to further educate people about "the walk." Below are the sections I decided to share because of the resources he mentions.

Thank you for letting me share parts of the letter. He and I will continue to talk about this because of my interest and I want to hear more about the journey.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

El Camino de Santiago has become a part of our lives. We talk about it constantly. We are brushing up on our Spanish. We have built the next 16 months of our lives around it. Our library has a section dedicated to it as does our clothes closet, our shoe rack, and our computer files. We have both used variations of El Camino de Santiago or The Way as passwords. We have even caught our kids referring to coming events and future plans as being before the Camino or after the Camino.

Shortly after we declared our intentions to our children, our son gifted us with A Pilgram's Guide to the Camino de Santiago by John Brierley (the one you mentioned) and his wife gave us Rick Steves’ Spain by, of course, Rick Steves, the guy who got the whole thing started.

I have read several from my list. To date, my favorites have been I’m Off Then: Losing and Finding Myself on the Camino de Santiago by Hape Kerkeling, Fumbling: A Pilgrimage Tale of Love, Grief, and Spiritual Renewal on the Camino de Santiago by Kerry Egan, and The Way is Made by Walking: A Pilgrimage Along the Camino de Santiago by Paul Boers. I have quoted from Fumbling more than any other in my journal. (Kerry Egan has a Kathleen Norris/Anne Lamott quality to her writing.)

This is a poem from my journal that I am sharing.

Pilgrim By Enya

Pilgrim, how you journey
On the road you chose
To find out why the winds die
And where the stories go.

All days come from one day
That much you must know,
You cannot change what's over
But only where you go.

One way leads to diamonds,
One way leads to gold,
Another leads you only
To everything you're told.

In your heart you wonder
Which of these is true;
The road that leads to nowhere,
The road that leads to you.

Will you find the answer
In all you say and do?
Will you find the answer
In you?

Each heart is a pilgrim,
Each one wants to know
The reason why the winds die
And where the stories go.

Pilgrim, in your journey
You may travel far,
For pilgrim it's a long way
To find out who you are...

------------------------------------------------

Walking El Camino de Santiago is on my bucket list.

What about you? Does this interest you?

Aug 16, 2012 3:12:00 PM | Leadership, Life Renewal, Sage-ing

August 13, 2012

Interpretations of the Phases of Life

As a reader, I like to share interesting things that I read. The article by David Brooks titled "The Credit Illusion" was a thought provoking read about the phases of life. When I read articles such as this, I wish I could write that well--think that well. When I said that to my husband, his response was, "That is why he writes for The New York Times."

While I encourage you to read the whole article, a few of the statements include:

You should regard yourself as the sole author of all of your future achievements and as the grateful beneficiary of all your past successes.

As you go through life, you should pass through different phases in thinking about how much credit you deserve. You should start your life with the illusion that you are completely in control of what you do. You should finish life with the recognition that, all in all, you got better than you deserved.

The credit illusion that Brooks talks about reminds me of the metaphor Jim Collins uses in his book Good to Great called "the window and the mirror." When good things happen, we should look out the window to give credit. When bad things happen, we should look in the mirror to see what we might have done differently. Yet, it is human nature to want to do the exact opposite. So we have to be careful about doing the right thing.

Another perspective of life phases comes from the movie City Slickers with Billy Crystal. Below is a clip that I use in sage-ing workshops or classes on the second half of life. Honestly, I think it is so funny. And the more years of life experience I gain, I think there is more truth to it than I did when I was younger.

let me know what you think.

Aug 13, 2012 3:36:00 PM | Leadership, Life Renewal, Positively Aging, Sage-ing

August 09, 2012

"Let Others Feel Your Joy"

LONDON, ENGLAND - AUGUST 02: Gabrielle Douglas of the United States and her coach Liang Chow wave to the crowd after Douglas wins the gold medal in the Artistic Gymnastics Women's Individual All-Around final on Day 6 of the London 2012 Olympic Games at North Greenwich Arena on August 2, 2012 in London, England. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

For some reason, the concept of joy is resonating with me. I wrote a blog post about work-joy audit on your life. Since I have spent a lot of time watching the Olympics, here is another story about joy. Living in Iowa, we have been reading about Gabby Douglas, gold medalist gymnast, for over a year since her coach, Liang Chow, is in Iowa. There was an interesting article about Chow's coaching philosophy. We know how he coached Shawn Johnson to a silver medal and how he transformed Gabby in a short time to be the gold medalist and a member of the team which won the gold medal.

This is what Chow said about joy:

Chow said it took time for coach and gymnast to learn about each other. He had to discover the right way to motivate Douglas, to teach her that world-class gymnastics isn’t merely a matter of technique, but rather letting others feel your joy as you compete.

“I think she is a very loving kid and has a big heart. She wants to please you as your student,” he said. “But I don’t want to give her too much pressure. ‘You have to do this.’ I want her to feel like she’s doing the gymnastics every day and putting the hard work in. She’s doing it for herself. She’s doing it because she’s loving it.”

Chow continues to share his "leadership philosophy":

“You’re trying to help her to achieve her dreams, her ambitions,” he finally explained. “Every routine, we’re just one step closer. So the joy is out of my heart.”

What if we didn't use words such as: lead or manage--leader or manager?

What if in the workplace, we followed the way Chow teaches?

We want to let others feel our joy as we work. We want to go to work because we love it and so we are willing to work hard to help others reach their goals.

I think much can be learned from great coaches and Chow is certainly one of them.

Aug 9, 2012 3:11:00 PM

August 06, 2012

Do A Joy Audit On Your Life

Without money (Photo credit: Toban Black)

I read an article recently that had an interesting twist on work-life balance:

"The debate about work-life balance has a close sibling I call the money-joy sweet spot. If we work to earn money and we live to experience joy, then we need to make sure we use our money in a way that makes us happy."

This was written by Manisha who graduated from Harvard Business School and had a 15-year career in high finance. She writes about making lots of money which gave her freedom, choices, and opportunities. But the 80-hour weeks hurt her relationships with her husband, family, and friends. "I became a human doing, not a human being."

So she quit her corporate career and started herown business focused on financially empowering women to reach their goals. Manisha came up with a three-point plan to help people find that highly personal money-joy sweet spot:

1. Figure out what you are making per hour. Count the hours you work each week (Toggl.com can help) including the digital device time for work-related projects. Next, take your annual after-tax income and divide it by your hours. You can use this number to evaluate your purchases. This number gives you a benchmark for assessing spending choices. Money is a trade-off so the purchase should be worth the effort spent to earn it.

2. Do a joy audit on your life. Make a list of the things in the past five years that have brought you joy. Keep track of all the money you spend for one month (HelloWallet.com can help). At the end of the month, highlight the items that brought you joy. Take a look at the two lists. How mich of the money you spend goes to things that make you happy?

3. Create your money-joy return-on-investment (ROI) list. Identify two or three ways you can shift your spending to bring it more in line with the things that make you happy. Find activities that give you a strong "money-joy" return.

Analyze all facets of your life. As Manisha says, "the right answers are your answers." But the benefit from thinking in this way helps to make decisions that support your dreams--not just your goals. And this can make you happy.

What would you discover from your joy audit of your life?

What is your money-joy ROI?

Not commuting two hours a day has increased my joy and given me 10 more hours a week to do something that brings me joy. This has made me happy (and saved time putting gas in my car and the money that goes with that!)