Jann's Blog

Sage-ing not Aging

Just when you think you are too old to do something, think again.  So much of the aging process has to do with how we think about it.  The goal is to become a sage rather than age.  What can you do now that you could not do then? 

What do you know now that you did not know then? 

What do you still want to do with your time? 

What do you still want to learn?

Consider this from The Speaker's Sourcebook by Glenn Van Ekeren:

• Actor George Burns won his first Oscar at age 80.
• Michelangelo was 71 when he painted the Sistine Chapel.
• At age 96, playwright George Bernard Shaw broke his leg when he fell out of a tree he was trimming in his backyard.
• Doc Councilman, at 58, became the oldest person ever to swim the English Channel.
• Painter Grandma Moses didn't start painting until she was 80 years of age.  She completed more than 1,500 paintings after that; 25 percent of those were produced when she was past 100!

Jann's Note:  A key component of sage-ing is continuing to learn and turn around and mentor others.  What do you know that you could teach someone else?  A sense of curiosity makes the world go 'round.

It's a Secret-NOT!

Once I received this link, I wanted to share the secret!  This book and accompanying black and white photography exhibit was started in 1998 while I was teaching in Yucatan, Mexico.  More than a decade later, the result will be a book.

George Ann Huck and I are very excited.  More to come.  Stay tuned. 

Legacy Work

Leaving a legacy is such an important aspect of sage-ing.  Thinking about what we want to leave behind for others is one reason to "get up in the morning" according to Richard Leider.  The following story was recently shared by Harry Moody in the Human Values in Aging Newsletter.

I once was sitting in a restaurant with Rabbi Zalman Schachter talking about the search for meaning in old age.  Suddenly "Reb" Zalman turned to me and said, "You know, this search for meaning all comes down to a simple question: Are you saved?"

Hearing this, I was puzzled and I thought to myself, well, he is a clergyman, is this a theological question?  "No," said Reb Zalman.  "I don't mean it in a theological sense, but in a computer sense. 

Are you saved? 

Have you downloaded your life experience for coming generations? 

Have you started your legacy work?"

Jann's Note:  We often think about legacy as we retire or leave a position.  But if we thought about it all of the time, we might realize that with every decision, every action, we are leaving an impression (good or bad) that people will remember.

What is a memory?

Recently I had the chance to hear Diane Keaton in person and her comments reflected several aspects of sage-ing.  She talked about things such as:

• Perfection was the death of creativity.
• Change was the cornerstone of new ideas.

Keaton said she was not going to let age be an act of submission, but that she was on a mission to validate the advantages of grower older with grace and in wisdom.  She felt that was one reason why the movie "Something's Gotta Give" resonated with so many people particularly baby boomers.

Throughout her presentation, Keaton shared video clips she had taken to document moments with her mother and of the children she adopted later in life.  But my favorite line was her comment about memories:

"A memory is when your heart takes a picture."

As a hobbyist photographer, I loved that line and hope to remember it.

Jann's Note:  Creating lasting memories is an important aspect of sage-ing.  With every new day, we have a chance to create more memories.  Even after people die, they continue to live through our memories.  I found that thought simple, but profound. 

Examples of Embracing Mortality

One of the main components of sage-ing is embracing one's mortality.  There are many ways to do this and the focus is always on becoming more comfortable with our own death and with the death of others.

A story with which many of us are familiar is the last lecture by former Carnegie Mellon professor Randy Pausch.  He delivered a lecture as part of their last lecture series that literally was a "last lecture."  This lecture was made into a popular selling book. 

I was moved recently by another example of embracing mortality.  A few weeks ago I was at one of my annual conferences and noticed the absence of a prominent member of the organization.  Before I had a chance to ask about "her," the leadership announced that in the spring she discovered she had pancreatic cancer.  This was very sad news as they said it was in the late stages and she had little time left.

What "she" decided to do was start a blog on CaringBridge.org.  On the blog, she demonstrated so many sage-ing aspects.  In fact, she is a sage.  She showed creativity by sharing her favorite family recipes.  This was one way she was continuing to leave her legacy.  She also shared how she was feeling about life and about death.  There were photos on the site and reading the journal made me feel as if I were right there with her on the journey.

She was a gentle, generous, and kind person in life and she was demonstrating these same characteristics while dying.  Her husband posted her final message last Friday and asked us to wait for more news.  It was moving, but she embraced the fact that there was nothing more she could do about her condition other than to accept it and choose her closing thoughts and words. 

Are you a Go-Giver?

A few weeks ago, I picked up a book, The Go-Giver, that was highly recommended to me by a former student.  She said that I would love it.  Since I thought it was so thought provoking, I decided to blog about it. 

 

 

In some ways, it reminded me of the book and DVD--"The Secret" because the book is about learning "the secret" from a business sage.  This sage was devoted to spending his time teaching and mentoring others.  What is revealed in the book is that the more successful leaders are the more willing they are to share their secrets with others.    

 

It is a short story where the mentee goes weekly to learn "the secret" of success from the sage.  What we learn in the book is that "the secret" is in GIVING.  It is having a mind-set that the world is one of abundance (co-creation) rather than one of limitations (scarcity, competition, dog eat dog).

 

You get what you expect. 

What you focus on is what you get. 

Ultimately the world treats you more or less the way you expect to be treated.

 

We learn the Five laws of Stratospheric Success:

 

1.  Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.  Giving is a way of life.  We need to have a greater passion for what we are giving:  product, service, ideas, than for what weare receiving.

 

2. Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.  Everyone needs money so there are three universal reasons for working: to survive, save, and serve.  It is important to have network of people who know you, like you, and trust you—Your army of personal walking ambassadors who are personally invested in seeing you succeed and you in them. 

 

3. Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other peoples’ interests first.  Givers attract—they are magnetic.  Our life’s balance sheet includes friendships, marriage, and not just business. 

 

4. The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself—authenticity.  Have big dreams, be curious, believe in yourself—be open to receiving.

 

5. Receptivity—the key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

 

While none of this sounds difficult, I don’t think it is the norm. Why not?  How do you measure compared to this list?  Ask yourself:  Are you a go-giver or a taker?

 

Jann's Note:  Sages are go-givers. 

 

 

A Quote from Dustin Hoffman

One of the key components of becoming a sage is embracing one's mortality.  Learning how to embrace death frees us to live a fuller life.  Plus we think about how we are spending our time and the legacy we are leaving behind. 

 

Yet, research says that most people fear death.  Why is this?  Is it because we don't know what will happen?  We fear the unknown.  This is what Dustin Hoffman had to say about this subject:

 

"I guess making things fun is the only revenge you have against mortality.  Of course I think about mortality.  So many of my colleagues and friends have died that I'm forced to think about it.

What we would all like is to kind of choose when we're ready to go, and we'd not have any fear.  The best part about death is that it's not selective.  It's comforting to know that everyone dies.  Death is the pure democracy."

 

One of the Sages I interviewed recently said, "You know how they say there are only two things that we all have in common:  death and taxes.  Well, some people don't pay taxes!"

 

So I guess "death" is what we all have in common, yet we don't know when.  Make sure every moment counts.

Empathy is Good!

Empathy is getting a lot of attention these days with the nomination of Sonia Sotomayor as a new Supreme Court justice.  President Obama has long talked about "that quality of empathy ... as an essential ingredient for arriving at just decisions and outcomes." 

Others criticized President Obama for stressing soft skills and for making something that is often thought of as "fuzzy" a criterion for such a high office.  Yet, Daniel Goleman says that empathy is one of the essential components of emotional intelligence and emotional intelligence (EQ) is just as important as IQ or more so for leaders.  This is because EQ can be learned and improved where IQ is something with which one is born and remains relatively stable.

There definitely was an emotional response to the fact that Obama raised empathy up as an essential criterion.  According to an article by Ellen Goodman:

"Lady Justice not withstanding, tradition sees the law as hard, rational, and male, while empathy is soft, emotional, female, and generally weepy.  But let us remember that empathy is not sympathy.  It doesn't require that we take sides.  Nor is it an emotional shortcut that upends all legal reasoning to declare a winner. 

Empathy is rather the ability to imaginatively enter into the experience of others.  As Harvard law professor Carol Steiker says, 'We think of this as central to moral reasoning of any kind.'"

Jann's Note:  We want to be around people who are empathetic.  We are more likely to want to follow someone who has a strong sense of moral reasoning.  Empathy is a good thing--for leaders--for people. 

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The Sounds of Silence

During my weekend with Pema Chodran, she asked us from 9:00PM on Friday night to 5:00PM on Saturday to remain as silent as possible.  I had never been in silence with 550 people and even more people counting the Omega staff.  Of couse, you could ask a question or talk if needed, but the goal was to try to avoid talking.  Instead, focus on listening to what you are telling yourself and how you are feeling. 

While I have spent time annually the last several years at a monastery on a silent retreat, there are few people to talk to so the temptation is less.  Some people at Omega even wore small signs around their necks indicating that they were in silence.

What I discovered is that everyone was respectful of everyone's space and there was no sense of competition.  There was plenty of everything for everyone.  In fact, since I went to Omega alone, operating in silence took away any pressure of having to talk to people I did not know or to try to make "friends." 

The status symbols disappear.

No one really cares who you are, what you do, or what's your story. 

No one has more influence than anyone else. 

Since there are no titles, the sense of privilege does not exist because we were all privileged to be there.

When the voices were gone, everyone was just a person.  The focus was on who you think you are and what is going on in your own heart.  My observation was that most people felt comfortable in that silence and cherished the time away from the busyness of life.  We liked being disconnected in order to reconnect with what was important in our life.

As I continue to process the experience, I will share what I am learning.  Please let me know what you are thinking as you read these posts.  It was different, but really special. 

Being in the Presence of Pema Chodran

One of my goals this summer was to attend the Omega Institute in Rhinecliff, New York.  So I selected the weekend that worked best in my schedule which was a weekend with Pema Chodran teaching us about Tonglen Meditation.  The workshop on compassion and loving kindness.  What I did not realize before I got there was that to the 550 participants (and the 200 who could not get into the workshop) Pema Chodran was a high spiritual being.  I went off on this adventure by myself and I realized I was lucky to have been there!

In a way, I felt as if I were at a Grateful Dead concert.  Even though I have not been to one, the stories of "dead heads" who follow the band around are well known.  They camp out and follow them on their tours from city to city.  This event had a similar feel in the sense that the workshop coordinator reminded people to not camp and stake out territory, but to remove all belongings after each session so that others might be able to move closer to the front of the hall.

Each time when Pema entered the room, there was complete silence and everyone stood until she sat down.  Then we all sat down.  This was a spiritual event where everyone was respectful.  The dynamics were so different from any professional workshop or conference I have attended in the past.  In fact, for almost three days, I only heard one cell phone ring and only saw a handful of people on their phones in private places.

It was an experience that I am still processing and I will continue to share my insights.  It was a sacred weekend where I learned a lot about myself.